I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
