you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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