these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
