I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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