you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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