I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
