You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize