My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
