everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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