I'm lost and stupid without you.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
