Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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