Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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