she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
