Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm always down for nudity.
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