Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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