the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
