you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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