You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You just made me feel so damn special
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
