he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
