I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
