I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
how does that bad decision feel?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize