Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
