I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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