she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
