But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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