shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
