This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he was CRYING into my vagina
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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