Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
