i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
