just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
