does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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