i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This beer is not sobering me up at all
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
