Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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