I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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