wrigley field is MILF paradise
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
