Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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