i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize