It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
