I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
