it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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