mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
