Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
