Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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