Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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