their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
