my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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