dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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