Where did you get a picture of my penis
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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