I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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