I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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