a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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