and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
