I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize