I am spending my child support on dildos
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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