i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
