That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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