My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
