I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think a kid would responsible me up
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
