I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
