I think my fart just growled at me.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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