i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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