just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize