I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
