there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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