It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
