I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
