if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
