So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
