so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
