Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just googled if crying burns calories
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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