i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
