ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
