High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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