We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
