Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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