Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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