All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
