your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
it's like iHOP with fire
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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