Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
