I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
