Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Barsexuality is the new black.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
