you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
