i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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