how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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