You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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