just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
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