We won't sleep together?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
