I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
