The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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