Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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